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Chris from Bachelor in Paradise Posted the Worst Instagram Caption I've Ever Seen

Chris Randone, Bachelor in Paradise | Photo Credits: Paul Hebert, ABC

Shoutout to the top-shelf haters over on the Bachelor subreddit for pointing out that Chris, the worst guy currently on Bachelor in Paradise, posted a (since-deleted) photo of himself on Instagram before last night's episode with a truly brain-hurting caption. It's some Billy Madison-ass content that makes no sense and shows that he didn't understand how bad the show was about to make him look. There's no going back after looking at this, so don't say I didn't warn you.

For emphasis: "Sitting here before tonight's episode thinking, Tia and Colton's relationship reminds me of a phone with no service. When there's no service, you play games. For me, tonight I decide if I want to stay on this wireless bill with potential penalties and fees or transfer to a better plan that suits me long term."

Buddy. What is this? Is this an attempt to get a sponsored content deal with a very shady wireless provider that sells your data to payday lenders? "Even if he was a burner track phone neither the Barksdale or Stanfield organizations would use him," Redditor wellgroomedmcpoyle commented. Shoutout to wellgroomedmcpoyle, who has excellent taste in TV (The Wire, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Bachelor in Paradise).

I guess Chris is comparing Krystal to a better wireless plan? A blonde wireless plan? A kind of wireless plan he's never kissed before? It's a very weak metaphor that falls apart under very slight scrutiny!

Tia and Colton both weighed in in the comments. "This is confusing, but basically you're Cricket Wireless... I'm AT&T," Colton wrote. Point: Colton. And Tia wrote "Oh you decide huh? Interesting."

Just to recap: Chris expended a ton of energy working to sabotage Colton and Tia's relationship (not that that relationship needed his help in collapsing) and then when Tia came back to him, he told her he wasn't interested in anyone else. Then he turned around and started making out with Krystal. Chris branded himself as a cheater, and people don't like cheaters. Tia's "oh you decide huh?" foreshadows that her "we need to talk" that ended last night's episode is going to get savage.

Bachelor in Paradise airs Mondays and Tuesdays at 8/7c on ABC.



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What to Stream the Weekend of August 17

Disenchantment | Photo Credits: Netflix

The world can be an overwhelming place, which is why there's no shame in hiding out indoors and binge-watching your favorite shows. For those of you who plan to avoid sunlight over the weekend and aren't sure what to binge, TV Guide associate editor Keisha Hatchett has a few suggestions. Here's what you should stream this weekend.

1. Raising Tourette's
This six-part docu-series centers on the unpredictable lives of five families raising young adolescents with Tourette's Syndrome. Follow along as these children, ranging in age from 11 to 17, tackle everyday experiences like first dates, family vacations and homework. The series premieres Wednesday, Aug. 15 at 10/9c on A&E but you can also stream episodes through the network's website and app.

2. SuperMansion: Summer Vacation Special
This stop-motion animation series follows Titanium Rex, an aging superhero who mentors a group of young crime-fighters on the importance of justice, liberty and staying relevant while living in the SuperMansion. The special finds the team headed to Hawaii where they run into a vacationing Barack Obama (voiced by Jay Pharoah). The special, which also features the voices of Bryan Cranston and Keegan-Michael Key, premieres Thursday, Aug. 16 on Sony's streaming service Crackle.

3. Disenchantment
If you love Futurama, you'll probably dig this fantasy animated series from creator Matt Groening about the misadventures of an alcoholic princess living in the medieval kingdom known as Dreamland. Featuring the voices of Abbi Jacobson, Nat Faxon, and Eric André, the cast also includes Futurama alum Billy West as well as Adventure Time's John DiMaggio. Catch the series streaming on Netflix starting Friday, Aug. 17.

4. The Last Sharknado: It's About Time
After six films, the internet's favorite sci-fi franchise about a waterspout filled with sharks terrorizing humans on land comes to a close. In the final adventure, Fin (Ian Ziering) must go back in time to help his friends stop the first Sharknado and save humanity. See how it all ends when the made-for-TV movie premieres Sunday, Aug. 19 at 8/7c on SyFy. You can also stream the film through the network's app.



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All the Stephen King Easter Eggs in Castle Rock

Sissy Spacek and Andre Holland, Castle Rock | Photo Credits: Patrick Harbron, Hulu

Hulu's new series Castle Rock is set in the "Stephen King multiverse," which means that while it's not an adaptation of any Stephen King story, it's connected to a whole bunch of them, not unlike how King references his other stories in his fiction. Castle Rock is peppered with allusions that even casual King fans will recognize, as well as some deep cuts that may have all but the most Constant Readers heading to Google. Here's a running list of all the Stephen King Easter eggs hidden throughout Castle Rock that we found.

(If you notice any I've missed, please let me know on Twitter.)

Episode 0


Alan Pangborn
The only character directly taken from King's books to appear so far on Castle Rock is Alan Pangborn, who was the sheriff of Castle Rock, Maine, in The Dark Half and Needful Things. Pangborn was played by Michael Rooker and Ed Harris in the respective movie adaptations of those novels. On Castle Rock, he's played by two actors in different timelines: by Jeffrey Pierce in 1991, when he was still sheriff; and in 2018 by Scott Glenn, after he's retired.

The presence of Sissy Spacek and Bill Skårsgard
The casting of these two actors is a conceptual Easter egg, as they are both well-known from their roles in King adaptations. Bill Skårsgard was terrifying as Pennywise in IT -- a role he'll be reprising in next year's sequel -- and is terrifying on Castle Rock, too, in a completely different way. And Sissy Spacek, of course, played the titular role in Carrie, the cult classic adaptation of King's debut novel. No word yet on whether her Castle Rock character has psychic powers. They're the most obviously referential actors on the show, but Melanie Lynskey is also a King vet: she starred in the 2002 miniseries Rose Red, which he wrote.

Castle Rock Is Worth a Visit, Even if You Don't Get Spooked

Episode 1 - "Severance"


Shawshank
Much of the action of Castle Rock revolves around Shawshank Prison, which you know from The Shawshank Redemption. In fact, there's a direct reference to the previous warden who offed himself in that novella/movie: while giving a tour of the warden's office, a character says "You can still see the bullet hole where Warden Norton--" before he gets cut off.

The Mouse on the Mile
The short scene with the Shawshank mouse is meant to call to mind the immortal mouse Mr. Jingles from The Green Mile, which was also set in a prison. Castle Rock's mouse ain't immortal, though.

Episode 2 - "Habeas Corpus"


"Remember the dog? The strangler?"

During Warden Lacy's (Terry O'Quinn) voiceover monologue about the evil history of Castle Rock, he references Cujo and The Dead Zone. In The Dead Zone, a serial killer named Frank Dodd was terrorizing the town. After his death, his spirit may have possessed the St. Bernard who terrorized the town in Cujo. There's another reference to Cujo a little later in the episode, when Henry Deaver (Andre Holland) is looking at newspaper clippings and one of the headlines is "Rabid Dog Tears Through Town."

"1961. It was the fall after they found that boy's body out by the train tracks."
There are two references to the novella The Body, which got adapted into the movie Stand By Me. There's the above shoutout in Lacy's monologue, and there's the headline Henry sees that says "Anonymous Tip Led to Boy's Body," which was called in by the bullies from the story.

"Shopkeeper Missing After Oddity Store Fire"
Another headline, this one a reference to Needful Things' Leland Gaunt, whose name is highlighted in the clipping, as is "Missing." Leland Gaunt didn't exactly go missing. He was a demon who fled to Iowa to open another evil shop called "Answered Prayers."

Jackie Torrance
It's unclear at this point if Jane Levy's amateur historian is any relation to The Shining's Jack Torrance, but the name is no coincidence.

Nan's Luncheonette
It's burned down by the time of Castle Rock, but it was around for IT and Needful Things.

The Stephen King Movies You Should Stream to Prepare for Castle Rock

Episode 3 - "Local Color"


Creepy kids?
It's not a direct reference, but those spooky parentless kids in the unexplained animal masks sure remind you of Children of the Corn crossed with the guy in the bear suit from The Shining, don't they?

Episode 4 - "The Box"

Byron Hadley vibes
This episode contains some Shawshank moments that bring to mind The Shawshank Redemption's sadistic CO Byron Hadley (Clancy Brown). There's the sniper stationed on the roof -- you remember what Hadley did to Tommy Williams (Gil Bellows) -- and there's the reference to delousing powder, which memorably got thrown in Andy Dusfrene's (Tim Robbins) face, too.

Smileys
When Zalewski (Noel Fisher) is starting to crack up, he draws smiley faces on the prison's CCTV monitors. The smiley face previously made a memorable Stephen King appearance in button form on ubiquitous villain Randall Flagg's denim jacket in The Stand. I don't think Zalewski is an acolyte of Flagg's like the Trashcan Man, but the smiley face definitely has sinister connotations in King's things.

Vincent Desjardins
Vince Desjardins was one of the bullies in The Body/Stand By Me, and it doesn't sound like he made much of himself when he grew up, either, what with the felony conviction and all. At least we know he didn't have anything to do with Henry's disappearance, which is more than we can say about his brother Joseph (David Selby).

"A serial strangler died in my house and I sleep like a baby."
Molly's giving a shoutout to Frank Dodd from The Dead Zone. It wasn't just Frank who died in that house; his mother died there, too. Frank's mom was shot by previous sheriff (before Pangborn) George Bannerman after she wounded the psychic Johnny Smith, who had seen that Dodd was the killer and gone to the house to apprehend him, which is when the Castle Rock Strangler offed himself.

Episode 5 - "Harvest"

You mean like a Stephen King? Does Molly sell houses with spooky-ass spiderweb gates?

"I had this uncle -- he was a writer too -- one winter he just flipped his lid and tried to ax murder his wife and kids at some fancy ski resort. And my folks will never talk to me about it! So I took his name just to piss them off. My real name is Diane."
So yes, Jackie Torrance is related to The Shining's Jack Torrance.

Episode 6 - "Filter"


Chosen Jacobs
Bill Skårsgard isn't the only guy from IT to show up in Castle Rock! Chosen Jacobs, who makes his first appearance as Henry's son Wendell in this episode, played Losers Club member Mike Hanlon in the horror hit.

Juniper Hill Psychiatric Hospital
The hospital where Henry takes the Kid has been mentioned numerous times in King's novels. A number of characters have been patients there, including IT's psychotic bully Henry Bowers, Gerald's Game's creepy grave robber Raymond "Space Cowboy" Joubert and Insomnia's mad arsonist Charlie Pickering.

Birdemic: Shock and Terror
The bird killing itself in the Kid's presence brings to mind the murderous sparrows of The Dark Half. The results are different, obviously, but people having psychic power over birds is something that happens in Castle Rock.

New episodes of Castle Rock drop Wednesdays on Hulu.



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